“What Difference Does That Make?” Comments, Page 1

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8 Comments on “What Difference Does That Make?”

  1. Hi Evan,

    What struck me about Yossarian’s question is it could be read and used in opposite ways.

    The true questioning, intending to understand how something has affected the person.

    However, if the tone were changed, it could also be minimizing. You know, get over it, get used to it, what are you complaining about I’ve hit myself a dozen times with a hammer. The dismissive stances.

    As I read, I think heard both. The question more common to my experience and the way you explained your use and or understanding of the question, whether it originated from the book context or your personal interpretation/feelings.

  2. Thanks again Evan. Love this!
    So often I find myself ‘lost for words’ – unable to reply to such minimisings, which just adds to the resentment/anger/sense of helplessness. Even if I don’t say it out loud, I can say it to myself: “What difference does that make?”
    Real good!
    And timely…

  3. Quite thought provoking. I think the world would be a much better place if in our relationships, we would all be able to practice listening skills. This also reminds me of a Bill Cosby quote in my therapist’s office, “People just need a good listening to.”

  4. “even if you don’t utter it out loud” – yeah, that would be my choice.
    I see people make minimizing comments all the time and when it happens to me my first reaction is often insult. I want to say “hey JERK this is MY experience and it DOES MATTER”. I have to bite my tongue to keep from blasting them.

    It’s almost bizarre when you spend lots of time around individuals who are prone to minimize how the statements will practically leap out of their mouths before the other person has finished speaking. Sometimes it can come out like one-up-man-ship…”oh yes, I’ve seen that before, what did you expect?”…or euphemistic…”well, when you lie down with dogs you’ll get up with fleas”. Huh? Why is this person even speaking, they’re making no useful contribution to the conversation. My usual conclusion would be they just love the sound of their own voice and have to admit I’m a little resistant to the notion that maybe they’re just uncomfortable with someone else’s pain. Maybe they just ARE a pain. So there, I’ve said it. Haha.

    Anyway, what I really wanted to say was T.H.I.N.K.
    It’s a little exercise I was taught years ago – to pause before speaking and see if my planned statements meet all the ideal criteria – is what I am about to say Thoughtful, Helpful, Important, Necessary, and Kind? It is amazing how much can go unsaid when it has to pass that test.

  5. Hi Joe, I like the T.H.I.N.K. test. I do think sometimes people have this push inside them to want to fix others – and so feel they have to say something.

    I also find that how much it happens is upsetting – and that it often is predictable. Thanks for your comment.

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