“The Political and the Personal” Comments, Page 1

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11 Comments (2 Discussion Threads) on “The Political and the Personal”

  1. Certainly Evan. Couldn’t agree more. Let’s first clearly define what is public and what is private then begin a process of social education. The education systems in our countries should teach children from the very earliest years the principles of a civil society, of caring for each other, and of course accepting and loving themselves. What use is history and maths and science in the big scheme of things if we can’t live well with each other. And until we learn to live with ourself how we can live successfully with others?

    1. Hi Will, very well said. The benighted nature of our schooling (sometimes humorously called ‘education’) is something of a hobby horse of mine – so I’d best so no more; except that I competely and utterly agree with what you say!

  2. Thanks Evan.
    I currently teach at a university in China. Now there’s an education system for you. HA!
    Best wishes,
    Will

  3. Thanks for this Evan — what came up for me as I read it was how much courage it can actually take to express your love for someone or desire to nurture them — that can feel like a big risk, because they might respond “I don’t want your nurturing.” Perhaps there is actually more “masculine”-style courage in expressing love than we usually assume in our culture.

  4. Hi Chris, I think your right – especially from the male point of view. I’d be interested in hearing from those of the female persuasion about this. Thanks for your comment.

  5. Evan thank you. They don’t call it an Arena for no reason!! I agree that the public arena suffers from the Elbow and Head Butt Complex, for whatever reason. I do believe that great walls could be leaped over and progress in society and the workplace could be seen if there was a more cooperative and collaborative effort on everyone’s part. It seems there are the Mary’s and the Martha’s no matter what arena we do business in. (Reference from Bible to those that are teachable and those that are task oriented.)

    Within the family; these virtues of cooperation and collaboration are first modeled between parents and then between children and parents.

    Why? This is where the necessary levels of intimacy exist(or should), where trust is developed in children. As the home goes, so goes the nation.
    As the home goes, so goes the workplace.

    I’m sorry, but it isn’t about the Village, it’s about the Home, first. That is where the needed tools reside where the children will learn the value of cooperation and collaboration first as they are taught, nurtured. Nurture and love start there.
    Then come the day cares and schools and other publicly available venues.

    The stereotypes of power and love, public and private, are very distinctly illustrated here.
    I’ve been learning and observing that many men, hetero or homosexual, also can be gentle and loving, nurturing. My dad is one heterosexual that was . Far from perfect, he was firm in discipline and lovingly nurturing, working with and helping my mom. Too bad their cooperation with each other ended and they divorced. I observed then what happens in the family when this disconnect occurs.

    Nurture and love are not exclusively Sexual.

    In the rampant cases of those that have experienced debilitating, unwanted and unwarranted physical, sexual, emotional, psychological assaults at the hands of those parents whose responsibility it is to nurture and love and protect their children from such assaults, deserve and require a quadruple measure of such love and nurture, even as adults.

    But the home is where the first impressions are made. To expect the school systems, public or private, to compensate for those whose parents lack love or nurture in the home is unreasonable, yet this is what is put upon the schools these days. We are then taking up the responsibility to correct and augment what didn’t happen in the home, not just teach academics.

    Parents, get with the program and please be there for your kids. They will someday be your nations’ leaders. Are you excited about this?

    1. Some background on me. As mentioned I was raised in two parent home during my early childhood. Then lived with my father and siblings until I married.

      I was married 32 years and raised four children, first with my husbands involvement which was positive for the kids of course, then as his disorder progressed, he became less involved and more distant and ambivalent. This became obvious to our children.

      By that time around 2005, the children were all high school grads, moving on to marriage for the two oldest, and work and college for the two youngest.

      Far from perfect parents, their father and I were there, we nurtured, we loved and we did our damnedest to protect our kids.

      It was this protection from outside assaults, both physical and psychological, that proved to be the biggest challenge. For one thing, while we promoted the positives in our home, not all neighbors and friends of ours did.

      Then there were boys ages 4-6 in our neighborhood, a middle class small community, who were sexually abused by a neighbor boy of 13 and a female babysitter of another neighbor friend. This stuff goes on a lot. I am disgusted and heartbroken for these kids.

      The only reason my kids weren’t assaulted is because I didn’t let them play outside the yard at the time and never with older kids. That was work.I made myself known to my neighbors, introducing myself and each of my kids. My kids were lucky.

      Criticize the overprotective parent, but I’m not sure there is such a thing in the negative sense, only in the positive sense.

      Bottom line is that while I did have responsibility and opportunity for loving and nurturing, I took it seriously, not pawning off the responsibility to others and I did what was needed, and expected of me being their mother.

      As far as my imperfections and guilt, the doors of communication remain wide open between my kids and I. The two oldest, now married and parenting also, are coming back with lots of good stories. They are honest, gentle and loving in return, both with myself and their father, as well as now with their own kids.

      Far from perfect, they have tools, points of reference to guide them. All we can do is our best, but we must do that much. If I and my husband had delegated the opportunity and responsibility to others to love and nurture in my place, he and I would have asked a nanny to do it. Then we still would have to assume responsibility for the outcomes.

      That’s why it comes down to the parents and not the schools. Otherwise the schools should go ahead and try to birth and nurse the kids too.

    2. Hi Mary, I do think our early experiences at home are very important to us. Later therapeutic activities of various kinds can be very useful.

      Many thanks for your comment – it is always delightful to have someone engage in detail with what I’ve written. It’s greatly appreciated.

  6. Hi Mary, yes the prevalence of sexual abuse of children really is frightful and disgusting. I think it is important that parents do look out for children and don’t force children to go places they don’t want to go or play with people they don’t want to – especially when they don’t want to give reasons.

    Thanks once again for your comment, it is great to hear some of your story, many thanks.

  7. Evan,
    Great writing, I truly enjoyed your thoughts on this subject. I agree there are things that are better left private if that is what the person desires, however bringing more love and compassion to the the public sphere is truly a positive way to create the world that we desire.

  8. Thanks Mark, I’m glad you like my writing – it is something I work at. I hope that both of us through our blogging bring a little more love and compassion into the public sphere. Many thanks for your comment.

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