“Personality and Identity: Do I Stay the Same ‘Me’ Over the Years?” Comments, Page 1

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6 Comments (One Discussion Thread) on “Personality and Identity: Do I Stay the Same ‘Me’ Over the Years?”

  1. You have taken on an age old question and have done an excellent job exploring your perspectives on this. We are always the same energy yet we move away from our authentic being and back again and in doing so we often become confused as to who we are.

  2. I don’t think you did anything out of character. I think you left your first wife and didn’t like what that said about you. It’s hard to face our dark side, no one wants to admit their flaws. But isn’t life about learning to accept who we are, rather than trying to avoid the accountibility of the choices we made as something outside of who we defined ourselves to be? When you left her, did you treat her with dignity and respect? Maybe you have some guilt and need to make amends. OTherwise, seems to be a learning thing to me. There’s only one perfect person that I’ve heard about, and even him I have doubts about :)

  3. Hi Katy, I do think it is hard to face our dark side. In my experience accepting who we are can be elating and liberating. I certainly did learn much from my first marriage and leaving it. Many thanks for you comment.

    1. A further opinion on our dark side:
      I think most people’s “dark side” isn’t as dark as we think. It’s the avoidance of truth that makes us imagine we must be “bad” or dark.

      For example, I have a gay friend. While he was growing up in a small town where being gay was VERY dark side stuff. He denied and hated what he thought of himself. But, he’s only gay, he doesn’t rape children or rob little old ladies. He is full of compassion and empathy for others, works a career where he is loved and respected, and adored by LOTS of women for BEING himself.

      See how he thought his dark side was so bad but when he looked honestly at his dark side, the truth was full of light?

      In the same logic, I am NOT saying that leaving your wife exposed your dark side. Evangelical Christians are not exempt just b/c they are Evangelical Christians. Even if it was the most painful thing she ever endured, I think being tied for the rest of her life to someone who would never love her is far more painful. So leaving her is not what I define as a “dark side”.

      I am saying HOW we treat people is what matters. ALL people deserve dignity and respect. To behave with less, even towards ourselves, is what I define as the dark side. When we are temporarily less than to someone, I believe we obligate ourselves to amending the transgression.

      For those whose behavior pattern is mostly from the “dark side” – they exploit and destroy the well being of others without regard to the consequences of their behavior, those type are what I define as personality disordered. NO amount of truth or light or interspection excuses them. Thus their dark side is truly dark.

      Discerning the difference eases my fear of looking at my dark side. I am able to see that my personality has not changed over time, it has merely been revealed. As long as I connect to my humanity, with dignity and respect, my dark side is pretty light. :)

  4. Thanks Katy, I agree with what you say. Integrating the ‘dark side’ is transformative in my experience. It is usually not bad in my experience but our best attempt to survive in a difficult situation. Sometimes it can be that our life is genuinely at risk – perhaps in some situations for your gay friend for instance.

    It is by embracing our dark side that we emerge into the light in my experience.

    My view is that some behaviour is bad but all parts of a person are good. Sometimes we are ashamed of our behaviour but I think it is possible for us to know that alternatives are possible and that the behaviour we are ashamed of was the best we could do at the time.

    Which I think is probably all a lengthy way of saying that I entirely agree with you. Many thanks for engaging so deeply with this subject.

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