“Do They Want Us to Stay The Same?” Comments, Page 1

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10 Comments on “Do They Want Us to Stay The Same?”

  1. Evan!! What a turn up for the books – me commenting on your post here – it has made my day!! When I saw you at the top of the post I had a strange feeling of the world turning on its head! I hope this means you are going to be here more often. And what a great post to start with.

    I was chuckling as I read it as this week we have got a new computer all for me, to herald the start of my online counselling practice, with lots of attendent mess and occasional panics, and my husband has been squealing “I hate chaaaanges!!” at least three times a day. I have been quite rough on him, actually, demanding he be rational. You have given me pause for thought, and a feeling actually of being nurtured which came off the screen as I read about how we need to nurture ourselves through changes. Especially the ones we didn’t actually choose – like life without someone we love who has died or left. The reorganisation of the internal world takes so much energy.

  2. Change… I’ve been lovingly supported through major changes in my life by friends and some family members, strangers and co-workers.
    These changes are death of my dad, cancer and and dealing with a looser, PD, ADHD, OCD, etc.within all that amplified looser MO. And also supported by a counselour and yoga communities, and heavens agents, here and at HEAL. As I head through all of these changes and take some appropriate action. I am glad that old friends and new have showed up and given me much needed support. I guess you could say those that haven’t been supported me at least I understand alittle better why they can’t. So I don’t expect it from them anymore which has helped me alot.

  3. Hi Sarah,

    I’m glad you liked the post. I’m very pleased that a feeling of nurturing comes through – too often I think that psychotherapy and self-development can be yet another set of shoulds we are expected to live up to. I hope to be here once a week – if my stuff fits what is wanted.

    Re-organising our internal world sure does take energy. And when the re-organisation needs to happen due to something out of our control (the ultimate being someone dying) this adds whole other dimensions.

    I hope you are gradually settling into your new pracitce and that you (and your husband) are enjoying it.

  4. Change is painful. That is the reason why other people don’t want us to change. It breaks the “status quo”.It may be painful for them (family/ friends), as well as for us. Recently I went to the theather with a good friend and in scene a the protagonist basically “diagnosed” the second actor with -“chronic dessatisfaction”. So my dear friend came out of the movie joking and saying -“that is what you have cronic dessatisfaction”. I’ve been confronted with major decisions in the past 2 yrs( parenting/mariage decisions,spiritual)and the change as been slow, but steady. I feel a better person now, and I’m excited for the changes ahead in my life (wheter that likes or dislikes my friends). Life is change. Congrats for the post!

  5. Hi Lunna,

    I do think we and others are attached to the status quo. I’m glad your changes have been good for you. Best wishes for the changes ahead.

    Thanks for your comment.

  6. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give to the world is to learn how to take care of ourselves emotionally. That doesn’t mean we can’t get support from others, either by paying or requesting it…but requesting, not demanding. Marshall Rosenberg makes a nice distinction. A request means you’re not upset if the other person says no. It doesn’t matter how nicely you phrase it…if you get upset by an honest no, it was a demand, not a request.

  7. Hi Jean,

    I think in many ways our journey is learning to care for ourselves emotionally.

    I like the distinction between requests and demands. I think probably (still sitting with it) that (especially in our closer relationships) there needs to be room for our demands to be voiced – or processed in some way. As you can probably see I’m still thinking about this.

    Thanks for your thought provoking comment.

  8. Sometimes people are unhappy when we change our lives because they fear it represents a negative judgment on the way they live their lives or on who they are. I’ve had wonderful support for most of the changes in my life, but I’ve seen those around me become threatened in two situations. First, my coworkers were happy for me when I left a stressful job, but it also threw some of them into the position of questioning whether it was time for them to make the stressful decision to look for another job. Second, I found that overweight friends and family members were very threatened by my decision to lose weight. I know that I’ve felt that way in the past when someone close to me lost weight. The decision made me feel as if I had lost an ally and made me worry that I would judge myself less favorably compared to a thinner friend. These are self-imposed cognitive distortions, but upsetting all the same.

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