“The Downsides of Optimism” Comments, Page 1
You are currently browsing page 1 of comments on the article The Downsides of Optimism.
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “The Downsides of Optimism”.
27 Responses (7 Discussion Threads) to “The Downsides of Optimism”
-
Barbara
1Hi Evan,
I’ve learned a lot about what optimism is and isn’t in the last few years, much of which you’ve touched on in this article.
I discovered I too was an optimist, but had you asked anyone I knew, maybe even know, they’d have thought you were crazy.
My optimism, and some of the optimism your friend Toni seems to have embraced, is colored by idealism. God knows, I’ve believe there is a way to make everything better, new again, resurrected, to a fault.
The other way I’ve altered optimism is with a more than healthy does of realism, maybe pragmatism too. Leaning too far, which I think is why others have seen an absence of optimism, when I may have been too blunt for some to hear or take in, probably including me at times.
I think it’s a very fine balance between the three, which is also everchanging. I don’t ever expect to have mastery in this area! Is that then pessimistic, realistic or simply fact I need to face?
Barbara
-
2
Hi Barbara. My approach to your question is: let’s find out. We can’t predict the future exactly so let’ try some things. In my experience people are usually capable of more than they think, especially if they take it one step at a time. Sometimes in our enthusiasm we take on too much, fail and then think we can’t do anything – so I like the take small steps approach. (Though some people find it enlivening to take on something big – if this works for them it’s great, as long as they haven’t found that they always end up feeling hopeless.) Thanks for your comment.
-
3
Interesting post, thanks!
I don’t see any need to nail my colours to the mast of optimism or pessimism – for me the way to deal with bad situations is to be as present and accepting of my feelings as possible, without judging them as optimistic or pessimistic. What’s wrong with just having hopes and fears?
I think this ‘strategy’ avoids the traps you mention, Evan, of not planning for the worst (if aware of all my feelings on getting a diagnosis I need block neither the worst case nor best case scenario) and of not allowing certain feelings.
I think any degree of internal forcing a response based on an idea of ‘being an optimist or pessimist’ is a distraction from dealing with the situation as it comes up… getting into a pattern of being one or the other is a pretty human thing to do, but very likely to lead to some blocking of the ‘other side’ and waste of valuable energy you need to face what life throws at you…
-
4
Thanks Sarah. I entirely agree that internal forcing has unfortunate consequences. I also very much like what you say about allowing emotions. Many thanks for your comment.
-
4.1
have you read Barbara Ehrenreich’s “Bright sided, how the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America”? http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/
I haven’t read the book but have enjoyed the reviews!
-
4.2
No I haven’t read it. Like you I have enjoyed the reviews. I think it’s a bit of a case for the prosecution. But this is much needed I think.
-
-
Christine
5Evan, thank you SO MUCH for posting those thoughts! It felt extremely validating to read it, and I knew it would as soon as I read the heading (I was actually *tangibly excited* about it when I read the title, hehe). I agree with everything you’ve said there, and I also agree with what Sarah has said (and I don’t think Sarah’s thoughts contradict what you’ve said, as I don’t think you’ve said that people should be either pessimistic or optimistic, and I think that what you’ve said encompasses/allows for being present with whatever feelings arise as they arise and allowing them to be felt and experienced without judgement).
One other thought I want to share is that I think another common reason that people might be prone to saying things like “look on the bright side” and “every cloud has a silver lining” and “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is that they actually believe it will be helpful for the other person (I don’t know why they would think that, other than maybe that they aren’t in touch with their own capacity for grief etc, or that they haven’t yet experienced any depth of emotional pain although that would surprise me).
And another reason, I think, might be that they find it annoying when people express their emotional pain because they see it as a sign of weakness and think such a person must therefore be “a whinger” or “a pathetic victim”, or that such a person must be prone to “allowing themselves to get stuck in their pain” and “failing to move on” – this attitude offends me and makes no sense to me, but I have met people who seem to have that view and seem to feel that way about it and to respond accordingly. Maybe they just don’t experience emotional pain in the same way as other people do and so can’t empathise with it, and so this is the way that they make sense of it.
I hope lots more people read and respond to this blog, Evan, as I’d love to hear other people’s opinions and thoughts on this topic.
-
6
Hi Christine, thanks for your comment. I’m very glad you liked it so much. I think you’re right that those people do think those kinds of thoughts are helpful. Like you I find this surprising – I don’t know anyone who has found them helpful. I’m looking forward to hearing other’s thoughts and opinions too.
-
7
Hi Evan — yes, I get the sense that this is really the basis for the increasing number of critiques of positive thinking — that people feel unseen when they’re told to cheer up. I suspect that people tend to do this to each other because they feel a need to “add value” to the other person, because it’s not enough, in their view, just to listen. If we let go of the idea that feeling sad is a problem to be solved, I think, that might change our perspective.
-
8
Hi Chris, I think you’re absolutely right. I think if we just stuck to listening to others our relationships would immediately begin to improve a LOT. This has certainly been my experience. Thanks for your comment.
-
Christine9
Chris, I couldn’t agree more!
-
Evita
10Hi Evan
Great guest post and what a fantastic thing to look at the “other” side of optimism.
I will share with you a little of what I think when it comes to this subject. If I take at face value exactly what you have written above, than I agree with you completely. Optimism that is skewed can make us blind and actually work against us.
But the way I look at life and all these situations today, is that none of the three choices are the worst case scenario for ‘Toni’. Something can only be a worst case scenario if we make it so – if we label it so. And I am not one to lie to myself, so this has nothing to do with not being “real” or “valid” or “authentic” – it is just really how I feel and how I approach life.
I know, I know, this may all sound like I am being unrealistically “optimistic”, but what I really mean is that every situation holds a special meaning for us – I know some won’t agree, but that is what I truly believe. Every moment no matter how we or others label it has the potential to awaken us to a higher and better state of being. In the end we do not know what “lessons” each soul chose to experience in this lifetime to best further their soul evolution.
So the way I see it (and I hope this doesn’t seem insensitive either) is that Toni, or anyone in her shoes can make out of this situation whatever they choose. I understand that physical suffering is not easy, nor losing ones job or relationship, etc… but in the end all of these things are transient. We, as spiritual beings are always there. We are just experiencing ourselves in a new way – and from there, we choose what meaning we can give every single situation.
So anyway, I just thought I would share some of my thoughts (thanks for being so inviting to comments as you stated on your site :)
I will finish off with a quote I read today from Steve Pavilna:
“Everything you might see as a disability or a liability, someone has found a way to turn it into a strength.”-
10.1
Hi Evita. I think we have different perspectives on spirituality (or different ways of expressing it) for me the physical is part of spirituality.
I do think we have choice about interpretation of our experiences. I wouldn’t say that we can make ‘anything’ of them. For me the experience is real and our interpretation of it needs to recognise what it is. I may not be expressing this well – and it may just be that we are expressing the same idea in different words.
I think this is your first comment here, welcome. Many thanks for your comment. All comments (as long as they respect people) are welcome (feel free to disagree utterly and completely with thoughts!)
-
10.2
Hi Evita! I enjoyed your comment, but actually wanted to ask Evan something about his response to it – Evan you said that your perspective of spirituality was different to Evita’s in that for you “the physical is part of spirituality”.
I can’t quite ‘get’ this – how the physical is not part of spirituality for Evita, on the basis of what she said here.
Evita, it seems to me you are saying that ‘spirit’ infuses everything and there is a possibility to connect to that level and grow within every physical situation?
-
10.3
Hi Sarah,
The part of Evita’s comment that I was picking up on is:
I understand that physical suffering is not easy, nor losing ones job or relationship, etc… but in the end all of these things are transient. We, as spiritual beings are always there.For me we are physical-spiritual beings who aren’t always there (or not in the same way). But this may be more about the words Evita and I use than a real disagreement. It took me a while to realise that we are physical-spiritual beings. Ironic: the faith I was brought up in (Evangelical christianity) is committed to an incarnation by god but is very cerebral and (often at best) ignores our physicality. I think we still need a western yoga. I have attempted to write a physical, christian spirituality – currently awaiting illustrations.
Hope this clarifies rather than just confuses further.
-
The comment form is currently closed.
Newer Comments »