“An Introvert’s Authenticity” Comments, Page 1
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26 Responses (5 Discussion Threads) to “An Introvert’s Authenticity”
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Chris H
1It is so nice to happen upon a kindred spirit, and fellow introvert. I have learned to become more extroverted, but I much prefer small groups to large, and intimacy to small talk. I have most often found this intimacy in faith sharing groups, Bible studies, and support groups.
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2
Hi Chris, Great to connect with another introvert. Your comment has got me wondering about what groups we introverts rely on – faith groups are important to many I’m sure but I’m wondering if there are others. Thanks for your comment.
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3
Hi Evan, and Chris,
I notice more and more in my therapeutic work that people come to me distressed because something is ‘wrong’ with them, and very often the things which are “wrong” are simply the characteristics of introverts. Flipping the judgements over and seeing these things as positive can be a real relief.
As for “groups”, I feel I have my own group, made up of individuals from all the other groups ;-)
Long live authentic introvert individualists!
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3.1
Long live the flipping! I do find that a bit disturbing. Thanks for your comment.
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paul taylor
4Yes this does seem to be a world where extroverts are loved and introverts are in some way pitied.I have struggled all my life with my nature and often felt that I lived in a parallel universe to other people-obviously I dont its just that I experience the world as an introvert.
Thanks Evan for drawing my attention to the idea of authenticity as a value in respect to our nature.I work towards being more accepting of myself but difficulties arise when others give me the message that I “should” be different to the way I am.-
4.1
Hi Paul, those ‘shoulds’ for others (and in my experience for oursleves) can be a real problem. For me I started out with a should about accepting myself and then being able to continue doing this because it felt so much better – and finding that the shoulds usually were either futile or couter-productive.
I hope you’re enjoying the work towards acceptance.
Thanks for your comment.
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Maria Ravisankar
5Hi Evan,
I find your authenticity refreshing and likewise I think there is nothing wrong with a bit of introversion. We need a few thoughtful, philosophical and quiet people in the world. I recently had a rather intensive brush with authenticity. I became tired of the amount of baggage that people carry under the surface, I generally can sense the darkness or baggage people carry is there even though the masks people wear are carefully applied. I decided to sweep out all the dark corners of my life (I never realized there were so many!) and be myself. Being authentic means being vulnerable – it allows people into the darkest places, abuse, broken relationships, possibilities of separation, domestic violence, affairs, the failure of not running families like proper people can, the fact that your finances are reaching breaking point, your attitude to life and death, your family etc These things need to be handled with care, for example the person your telling needs to be trustworthy if you are opening up deep issues. Sometimes just my GP or a counsellor has known my difficulties, or I have gone on retreat somewhere that no one knows me or the people that I am having difficulties with. It is so much nicer to talk to someone and have another perspective than carrying it alone. The very act of putting your thoughts into words can help give some perspective. Since taking the authentic route people have opened up to me, they have been raped, their children were abused by their ex partner, their step father abused them, secrets carried till the age of fifty have now been told because its okay to talk about the unspeakable. For me now my slogan is “What you see is what you get, take it or leave it.” I am happy and confident with relationships but at heart I am an introvert and I need time for quietness and contemplation. I get upset if I can’t get it. Peace and quiet, and times of being alone needs to be structured into my life. That is when I can think deeply and be comtemplative and philosophical.
Three cheers for the authentic, introverts in the world!
Maria-
5.1
Thanks Maria. As you say we need to be discerning about who we are open with about the more difficult stuff.
I have found that dealing with the deep stuff is profoundly nourishing and healing for me – even though it can be difficult and exhausting. When I’ve listened to other people’s dark stuff I have found that I then can need time to process my own feelings and reactions.
I think we are social-individuals – that our emotions are usually motions directed to sharing.
Like you I have found that a commitment to personal authenticity seems to free others to talk to me about their own difficult experiences.
Thank you for such authenticity in your comment. I’ll add another cheer for the authentic introverts.
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6
Hi Evan,
Great post – I think you are right, the Western World often calls for extroversion. I find that I am most confident in situations when I am not being judged negatively. Now so do most people, I am sure! But in particular I know that I am extremely sensitive to negative feedback – I take everything very personally. While this is a part of who I am, it makes me realize that the things that are truly authentic are the things that are also productive or positive, not those that are paralyzing. While my fear of negative perception might be something I was born with (i think it was) it is something I would like to improve so that my other authentic bits can get out there in the way they need to be. Leads to the question of when it comes to authenticity, can you pick and choose?
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6.1
Hi Nacie, this can lead to a big discussion I think. Please come back in these comments if you would like to – I’m very happy to discuss these things at length.
My basic position: while all our behaviour may not be what we hope; ALL parts of ourselves are good. In this sense we can’t pick and choose in my view.
Fear can warn us of danger – so I don’t advocate ignoring fear. If it is not fear of anything present – it comes from the past, then it is useful to find where it came from. In my view we carry a child inside and our task is to be a good parent to them. This can be tricky and support from others may be required if it is deep stuff. In this sense we do pick and choose.
I know that I can be abstract in my writing and that these comments may be too terse. If I’m not making sense to you please get back to me. These are important questions I think and it would be a pleasure to explore them with you.
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7
Love what you have written. I have been both an introvert at times in my life and I have also been an extrovert. Being one’s authentic self is truly the most joyful way to experience our journey. It is joyful because it is natural, it feels right because it is right for us. Thanks for sharing your journey and your wisdom.
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Thanks Mark. “Being one’s authentic self is truly the most joyful way to experience our journey” I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for your comment.
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9
fantastic article Evan. Amazing how similar our thoughts are on this subject. Believe it or not, I many times struggle with being introverted. (noticing it’s since I’ve gotten older) As you’ve experienced on my blog when I’ve talked about my shadow work, in the past, unlike Mary mentioned, I’ve been more of the “What I let you see, is what you get” in my past. Much like many many people in our western culture the “masks” are large and very thick.
I do agree that many times extroverts are “rewarded” based on our culture of entertainment. Again that’s just a ‘belief” I choose not to allow to influence me.
It’s our “belief’s” around our culture and what “they” find as acceptable that most caused my anxiety. Myself, I’m ok with being an introvert most of the time. I don’t have “social anxieties” about being in public. I just agree with you Evan that I find much of my power when alone. Always have.
Great article and insight. We should always explore if “we” are OK with who we are, rather than be influenced by the “herd” and if “they” think it’s socially acceptable.
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9.1
Hi Tony, welcome to the blog. I do think our thinking is quite close on this.
If you’d like to tell me I’d like to know how you found it to be an introvert and performing as a musician. Maybe I’m wrong but I see performing as quite extraverted.
I surely agree about us being OK with who we are. Thanks for your comment, it’s good to have you here.
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10
Well the funny thing is Evan when I was younger I was anything but an introvert. I mean, I can still remember going inside (Spending time alone to create, write and do art) and having this huge urge to express what it was I created. Not much different than what I do online to the world via my blog. Because I was so passionate about my music I had no issues expressing myself, but when I was done, I was done. I liked my alone time. I believe even introverts desire to express themselves although I don’t believe back then I’d be defined as an introvert. Again, blogging makes that so much easier, as you pointed out yourself. I’ve become more introverted as I’ve become older. I believe that to be for many reasons of which I’m still exploring.
Keep in mind though, all of this social networking is even more powerful when we come out from behind the computer and connect with real people. Depending on you’re desired level of expression that may be difficult for some. I find it comforting and that is good, however it concerns me as well. Again for reasons I’m still exploring.
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