Patience is Not Easy
At the moment my time horizon is short, and the longer view is decidedly fluid. I feel that I am in a place where I just need to go step by step, and this can have a heavy and plodding feel.
At the moment I am in a place that I don’t find easy. I’m someone whose way of deciding is to work back from the future — not so much forecasting as backcasting. Knowing my preferred future I then want to start moving toward it.
This way of doing things has difficulties with a couple of situations: not having a sense of where I’ll be going in the future and not being able to start moving towards it. At the moment my time horizon is short, and the longer view is decidedly fluid. I feel that I am in a place where I just need to go step by step, and this can have a heavy and plodding feel.
In this situation it is easy to get frustrated, resentful and just plain grumpy. This is not pleasant either for myself or for those around me. While I don’t exactly enjoy this situation, I have found ways to live more happily with it.
Limitations
It helps me to remind myself that the future probably isn’t entirely fluid, that it may not be certain but that it is a choice of options that I want to pursue, and also that I do have some control over the kind of choices I make and the future that I create.
Preferences
Having a sense of my preferences is also helpful. If I know my preferences I at least have clarity and a sense of orientation. With a sense of our preferences, disorientation passes; it may be replaced by frustration or a centred peacefulness.
Countdown, Or, It’s Easier After Half Way
When I am in a plodding place it can help me to have a sense that each step gets me closer to the goal of the end of the journey. This can be as simple as crossing off days on the calendar (or on computer you can set up a counter that lets you know how long until something happens). One trick I have found useful is to realise that after half way it feels easier. This means that the more half ways you can organise, the better. If the date is a month away then two weeks is the half way point, but if you can set up weekly goals then the half way point is only ever three or four days away. It may sound silly, but it has made my life easier.
Nice Stuff: Rewards for Small Achievements
Pretending that we enjoy what we don’t usually doesn’t work. The cost is lots of energy used to stop us from being aware of what we dislike (which for something that probably won’t work isn’t a terribly good deal).
I have found it more helpful to give myself rewards for small successes. Just sitting still can be a great reward for getting through the day — as can a warm bath, a square of chocolate or phoning a friend. Little things can give us a little boost along; and over time little things can add up. Perhaps they won’t add up to our liking what we don’t like; but they can add up to our getting through stuff more easily.
It’s Not So Bad
Chris Edgar in a recent post talked about a question he uses to reduce stress. It is: Am I really in danger right now? Usually the answer is no, which helps him realise that the stress isn’t necessary. In reality if we don’t make this appointment or meet this goal, it won’t be a disaster: no one will die, and probably it won’t affect a valued relationship at all.
Often under stress we lose a sense of proportion — our fight or flight reaction kicks in as if our life were in danger. It can help to remind ourselves that usually this isn’t the case.
Focusing On the Physical Present
A lot of our problems with the future can be solved by focusing on the present. When we focus on what we are doing we often find that it is not painful in itself. Often we find that our problem with what we are doing isn’t the activity itself but that it is just not our preferred activity — I want to be getting on with living my preferred future already!
(At higher levels we can even apply this to contemplating our pain: finding where it is, what the sensation is and so on. This can be important for martial artists and others who may be in genuinely dangerous and painful situations).
Preparing
Finally there is using the time between here and there to prepare for there. It may be that what we are doing in the future will be different to what we are doing now. It may require a different skill set or an expansion of our existing skills. In which case we may be able to prepare by learning these new skills. If it will mean living in a different place it may be useful to find out about that place. It is likely that we will be able to do something so that we are better prepared for when the future day arrives.
These are the ways I’ve found to deal with my impatience and finding a reasonably pleasant way to wait for my desired future. I would like to hear your ideas, too. You may be a much more patient person than I am. Whether you are someone who finds it easy to work slowly and steadily or someone who is rash and impulsive, I’d like to hear what you do to cope with those difficult times when patience is required.
9 Responses (2 Discussion Threads) to “Patience is Not Easy”
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Always leaves a make in everything you do.
Chaos the conundrum of our troubled time.
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We live in strange times,chaos haunts and hunts us whether you live in China as I do or elsewhere.
This toxic need for information and dependence on technology has created a monster within us.
Last weeks heading in a local paper “can you live without your phone for a day”?demonstrates this nicely , rational behaviour tells us that to be dominated by a tool however good is simply silly,however much it promises you even the after live and having sex with different people each week.
But that my friend is what has happened,the mere thought of “no phone or no computer” drive sane people into irrational behaviour,equat that with a technical delay at an airport,if the plane is delayed or a has a problem,who do they shout at,obviously its the fault of the check in person who should immediatly change into a pilot and fly the plane to whereever because the passenger has a business appointment.
Its at time like these that I despair,when my work as a health profesional puts me at risk of becomming a prize fighter.
Why have we become so depended on technology and the medai created need to feel bereft if its taken away or does not work?
I guess it conditioning, we expect and want; because we feel we are entitled(that big word) we are and we can have and must have.
Who says?
Well television and the papers etc., they say you can, you must and you are entitled.
Is this true?
Who cares, I wnat it now.
So there you are the cause for so much discontent.
How easy is it to fix this unsumountable problem.?
Swith off your phone for the day,do not listen to the radio,avoid the TV and just sit down and think of the good things in life,those which are free and we are certainly entitled to.
Breath brother it may never happen(unless ofcourse its dramatically suggested in the papers and on TV that without your phone you’d depart this world)
lee du ploy
(hong kong)
ps a friend of mine swears this is a true story,he was checking in to come back to HK from London when a large gentlemen with a groanning trolly gentle pushed in front of him.
He handed his ticket to the startled check in lady.
” I am sorry sir,this is an economy ticket”
“But, said the gentlemen”I am a business man can’t you tell from my luggage:
Hi Lee, I think switching off the gadgets for a day is a great idea! Thanks for your comment.
I think I have been blessed with that virtue of patient. I still remember the hurricane season in my small island in the Caribbean; no electricity, no running hour, no cell phone or even regular phone, no computer or by that time “atari games” for an entire week. Great excersise to develop patient and to appreciate what is really important in life. :)
It does sound like an exercise in patience. Would you like to say what you discovered and how you spent the time? Thanks for your comment.
Before the hurricane hit was time of preparation, to check up on our neighbors and to collaborate with each other by securing all the basics. During hurricane we would enjoy the company of family by story telling, or singing, reading to each other and after hurricane had pased, enjoying nature outside, and playing with whatever was left by the storm. I guess we developed some creativity and a sense of compasstion by helping each other.
Thanks Marisol.
Hi, Evan -
When I get into that place of plodding with no idea of what is coming in the far future or the near future . . . I ask myself if I know what I need to do today . . . just today. Inevitably, the answer is always “yes”. What else do I need to know?
- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
Hi Marie, this usually works for me too. Sometimes thought it feels plodding.