Comments on: Romance: On Value, Need, Seduction and Violence

By: Evan Hadkins

Evan Hadkins — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:31:33 +0000

Hi Sarah, I hadn’t thought about the indoctrination process. Thanks for adding it in.

By: Sarah Luczaj

Sarah Luczaj — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:56:57 +0000

I think the first paragraph says it all – romance is a big industry and a big part of western culture, specifically. Little girls are pretty much indoctrinated into it from fairy tales onwards…

By: Evan Hadkins

Evan Hadkins — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:24:09 +0000

Thanks Brenda. I get a very strong feeling about you from your comment, “110%, complete and utter devotion” sings to me. Thanks.

By: Brenda Conner

Brenda Conner — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:24:16 +0000

I agree with you wholeheartedly that romance is a need that we strive to fulfil during our lifetime. I am a very positive person, and I focus my efforts and thoughts on positive aspects of everything. I have found that to be somewhat of an hindrance in romantic relationships. When I am “in-love”, it is 110%, complete and utter devotion. That has led me into disaster a couple of times.

On a positive note, I also believe that there is the perfect romance for everyone out there. One that is not one-sided, or resentful. A natural occurance that I believe everyone deserves.

By: Evan Hadkins

Evan Hadkins — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 07:56:48 +0000

Hi Oranjepan. Yes, I think that combining thoughts and feelings harmoniously brings us contentment. Otherwise I think we have stress always in the background (and maybe sometimes in the foreground). Thanks for your comment.

By: Oranjepan

Oranjepan — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:10:59 +0000

‘Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being ‘in love’ which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.’

I’m not sure about the description of seduction, as I’ve seen people undertake it for all sorts of reasons from sport to pure entertainment and the underlying emotional needs involved can be completely different.

But I wholeheartedly agree that thoughts and feelings can be combine harmoniously, in fact, isn’t that a condition of being happy and contented?

By: Evan Hadkins

Evan Hadkins — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:48:38 +0000

Thanks for a great post Apar. I know I relate completely to what you say. I’m sure others to do. You describe the experience with great vividness. I was about 32 when I fell in-love and it was a quite new experience for me too. Like you before this I was quite a rational person (though I could be intense about ideas – possibly I still am sometimes). Thanks for your comment.

By: Apar.

Apar. — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:54:13 +0000

I have previously been in 2 relationships (both over a year long, and I broke up with both men by choice). It is safe to say that I loved both men, but I was not (apart from the initial month) “in-love” with either. I am currently in-love, and have been for the past year and 2 months (without any sort of major change in the intensity of my feelings towards my partner).

This relationship experience is, for me, completely novel. I used to think of myself as being a practical, stable person, who worked on logic rather than emotions. I was a very easy going girlfriend, never had any issues with jealously, time spent away from my partner, and ALWAYS sorted out problems by talking about them calmly first.

Now, I find that I am a very different person. I feel very intensely, and seem to have completely lost perspective. Although I have been seeing my partner for a year and 2 months (we are practically living together now) I find I am still insecure, and am only really reassured when I am physically around my boyfriend. I never liked being (or seeing) public displays of affection, but my current boyfriend and I are always touching each other (whether we are holding hands and walking or sitting very close to each other). Every romantic feeling I have is intensified, and many, many times, I find myself behaving in ways that are distinctly irrational. In addition, I do my best to spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend.

Being in love makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I feel as though someone has a lot of power over me (I don’t “know” that this is true, because in spite of being so emotionally attached, I think if we were to break up, I would move on). However, I am exhilarated, excited and simply HAPPY when I am with my partner, even if we are doing nothing but working next to each other!

All these emotions leave me craving peace sometimes!

Oh well, ups and downs, I suppose. I’m willing to bet that almost everyone who is/has been in-love will be able to relate to me completely.

(Sorry for the extra long post!)