In the specific case you mention, I’d say rejection is not a “bad thing”. If you meet someone who does not share your same values or respect your needs, or your viewpoint, then rejection can be a good way to sort people and weed the non-matching partners out of your life before you engage in a relationship and your feelings get hurt afterwards.

I found that being rejected can be a relief, especially when you are prone to meet clingy people and you have to reject them yourself so they can detach. It’s “less work” to receive a no for an answer than saying no to someone else yourself.

Now, about rejection itself, nobody likes it because we are gregarious people, we like to be accepted, we like to be valued, we like to share our lives with our peers, etc. So rejection also embodies the denial of all the things I mentioned above, and that is not a nice feeling.

But, in other cases, rejection might even be “convenient.” If we are turned down for a job position (maybe that job wasn’t the right job for us), or if our application to college gets rejected (maybe that wasn’t the right school for us)… or maybe it just means we need to check what is we need to work on or change so that – next time – we don’t get rejected.

Personally, (and bear in mind I’m very old) I don’t sleep right away with a “date” because I really like to get to know the other person better. And also, because of Aids and other VDs, etc. So, if my date respects that, then we might be on the right path or on the same page, time will tell. Otherwise, he is not the right person for me and I am not the right person for him, so we part in good terms, thanks for the dinner and that’s it, no hard feelings, we all have the right to choose. I choose not to sleep right away, others don’t- simple as that :)

This can either make total, if awful, sense to you, or make you feel helpless, angry, etc. I think when this happens it is often to do with early experiences of being accepted and welcomed, or rejected, on a kind of deep basic level that can be felt by a child.

I think Evan is right… it’s about doing lunch/coffee etc and then seeing what happens. And meeting people through interests. If someone expects that getting you dinner means you should go to bed with them, they are not worth having, but if you for a lunch date or walk you can suss out what they are like

Out of interest, are you doing online dating? I didn’t enjoy that, I kept thinking “what is wrong with me, everyone else seems to like it”. I get a bit socially anxious as it is and found it a bit forced, and it was difficult to get a handle on what the other person could be like.

Now, I find it’s the strangest places I could meet people. I really enjoy going to the steam and sauna rooms at my local swimming baths, and it’s a good non-pressurised way to chat to people, and you get to know their views and see how they inter-act with others. I do spend a bit of time online because of my work and study so think I need to broaden my horizons and get out more to meet someone at a later date, am considering going back to martial arts.

Good luck with it.

I hope you get in to the masters. And I hope you manage to produce work that you love and others do too.

I look forward to hearing how you do.

At the moment, I really want to apply for a masters in creative writing, but I’ll be judged on a sample of my work on whether I can get in. I’ve been putting it off for ages, as if I do get rejected then it’ll be on something that *really* matters to me. My writing is something that’s intrinsic to me as a person, and it’s very important. If I do get rejected I’ll let you know how I don’t deal with it! I was putting it off but realised I’ll have to face up to it, being rejected is part of life, just needs rationalising minus the emotion at a later date.